I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
