It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
