I got chris browned last night
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
