Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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