According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
