I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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