She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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