It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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