Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
