you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
