I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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