When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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