haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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