he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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