what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
