Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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