i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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