i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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