I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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