I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
