girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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