Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
3pm strippers are depressing
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
