Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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