We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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