one might say we're banned from that church
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
