I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
