so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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