the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
