yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize