so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
