Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
