He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
