Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
