Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
