wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
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