I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
