I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
