this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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