just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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