My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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