There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
