3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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