I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
