Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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