yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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