If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
