i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
