We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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