he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
