We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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