I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
