the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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