I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
All the doctor said was why
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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