I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize