Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
