I bet he comes in French.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
