my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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