So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
