this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
