My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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