I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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