Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
