I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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