I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
