the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize