I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
