$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
time to smoke my breakfast
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
