and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
