you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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