I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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