so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
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