I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
